Clicking on this post's title will take you to a CNN article that I just ran across today. It comes from the Frisky and (thankfully) is an opinion piece. Basically, the author feels that she needs to marry someone who makes more money than she does - and that it shouldn't mean that she's a bad feminist or woman.
In some way, this has reassured me in some ways that I am not alone in thinking this way. Now, I didn’t go out trying to marry someone who had a decent income and I would’ve married him no matter what type of salary he brought home. But, it has made it easier for me to even remotely entertain the thought of what would happen if we had kids. Just like it has helped me try to get my health situated, focus on my class stuff and attempt to get our house unpacked and organized since our move because I don’t work outside of our house. I’m pretty sure that this bothers my mother at times and I’ll admit, there are times when I start to wonder if I am losing my mind as well, but at the end of the day I’m thankful that we’ve been given this type of opportunity.
Ironically, the past week I have been asked multiple times about what my legal name is for documentation type stuff. This has been asked by my mother, my mother-in-law, and school. Before we even discussed marriage I made it a point to tell him that I was not planning on changing my last name. For me, it’s my identity and comfortable. I got my last name from my dad – a dad that I was connected with and lost before I would have liked to give him up. I was raised to be a strong and independent type of woman and I never really looked at marriage as a possibility. When I did marry, I was 25 (which was still younger than I had originally expected) and while I have been happy and content to focus my attention on class and house stuff since then, I never had planned to stay home directly after marriage. So over the course of the last almost 6 years of my relationship, things have most definitely changed.
However, nowhere in the past 6 years has my mind changed about retaining my maiden name. It has caused problems at times and confusion (especially by some family members), but for the most part people accepted the idea that I wasn’t changing. Usually this means they have issues figuring out if I’m a “Mrs.” Or “Miss” on Christmas cards. Anywho, while I did debate throwing his last name onto the end of mine to make it easier (we had some slight issues with Alabama understanding we were married for taxes), Georgia has not questioned this or made a big deal out of it at all. So I’ve kept all of my stuff the same and we’re fine with it. So then comes a week like last week. Because I’m married and maybe, just maybe, changed my name without telling anyone at all…I get letters and phone calls asking for what my name is. Then the clarification questions of “Well, what’s your legal name?” I repeat my answer. Finally, I snap that had I changed my last name legally to something else or changed my name in general that I’m pretty sure I could’ve found the time to inform my mother. Yes, I should be more tolerant and understanding…..but no….patience is not a virtue that I embody.
So I’m left to defending my decision of retaining my last name while I willingly cook dinner for us each night. Seriously. In many people’s eyes, this is a contradiction of gargantuan proportions. Personally, I do not see this as being a sell-out or refuting what the women’s movement did for us. In my view, there can be stay at home moms just as there can be women who work 60 hours a week. I don’t see a problem with any of this. The women’s movement fought (at least in my world) to give the following generations of girls a choice. We should have a choice to work, bear children, or stay out all night. Same type of thoughts I have with abortion – I know there are good and bad with either decision….but the whole point for me is that women have the ability to make a choice on what they do with their lives. Considering my perspective then, I don’t see a problem with deciding to keep a maiden name. Further, if I choose to use my maiden name, do all the gardening, dream of being able to cook dinner and eat by 6pm each night, make my husband set all of my computer stuff up and decide to never have children….well….that’s my choice as well. Maybe I’m alone in my method of thinking, or maybe I’m not. Just don’t become hypocritical of me because you don’t think I made the “right” choice or that I’m compromising myself when all of my morals, values and beliefs still stand.
*edit*
upon googling, there's a NYTimes article from 2005 saying that some feminists hate the word 'choice'. imagine that.
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